Feeling Overwhelmed by the Idea of Eloping? Here’s Why You Should Do It Anyway
While elopements, micro weddings, and intimate wedding celebrations have become more popular in recent years, many couples still struggle with the idea of having a wedding that doesn’t fit the traditional mold. Opinions from friends and family and uncertainty on how to go about something new make us second guess our decisions in many facets of life, and wedding planning is no exception.
Expectations and perceived obligations to loved ones often feel like an inescapable burden on so many couples, and the thought of having the non-traditional celebration you’re dreaming of may seem like an impossible feat. But I want to tell you how much you deserve to have the wedding of your dreams. Consider this permission to get married your way—and here’s why you should.
Why is it so hard to have an untraditional wedding?
Weddings have been happening since the beginning of time, and their long-standing customs, symbolism, and traditions are deeply rooted in history and culture. Only very recently have societal norms and expectations begun to shift in the western world, but as we know, modern cultural changes are not always widely accepted and it can be tremendously difficult to challenge a person’s view on ideas they’ve held for a lifetime. People are typically partial to what they’re used to, so ideas that confront their version of normal make them uncomfortable which can lead to taking out their frustrations in ways that are unproductive or dismissive, such as telling you you shouldn’t get married the way you want.
The majority of people who believe “normal” weddings are the only way just haven’t considered an alternative or have no idea that one exists. Eloping used to be thought of only as a shameful, secretive act, and its new definition of simply getting married the way you want hasn’t earned a new reputation socially quite yet as an equally valid, meaningful way of doing things.
From what I’ve seen, most of the people in your life who hold a negative opinion about the two of you having an alternative wedding and aren’t willing to have an open mind are more concerned with how it impacts them. Typically, these are family members or friends who believe they deserve an invitation because of their relationship with you. Of course, there is a certain level of understanding to be had with family and friends who simply love you and want to share in your joy, and have pictured being able to celebrate with you for a long time. Their intentions are not selfish, but they should be able to respect your choice to have a guest-free elopement and not take it personally if it’s what you want. (I have several ideas on how you can have the best of both worlds here).
But while all family dynamics are their own version of complicated and only you can decide how you want to handle those conversations, I’ll say this: you deserve to feel seen, appreciated, loved, and completely unhindered on your elopement day. Anyone that will get in the way of that or question your decision to elope doesn’t deserve to be there.
Even if support for your elopement isn’t an issue, knowing where to begin planning may feel so overwhelming that the thought of having a traditional wedding seems easier, even if it’s not what you really want. There’s no shortage of templates and ideas for a “normal” wedding, but elopements can be a lot more ambiguous because they tend to be more individualistic and go with the flow.
So, what are we supposed to about the desire for a uniquely personalized wedding day with such heavy expectations and a limited framework to help us plan?
Reasons to Have a Non-Traditional Wedding
You likely don’t have to be convinced that an unconventional wedding day is right for you if you’re reading this, but you may be looking for the confidence you need to make it happen. I want to start this list off by reminding you that your wedding day is yours alone, and only the two of you get to decide what would make it the most special and meaningful for yourselves.
While I can’t claim to have all the answers for how to handle unfair expectations surrounding your wedding day, especially since every situation is different, I’d like to offer my perspective as an elopement photographer who left the traditional wedding industry likely for the same reasons you’re considering ditching the idea of a “normal” wedding.
1. You deserve a stress-free wedding experience
A wild idea for us to consider: what if wedding planning didn’t have to be excruciatingly stressful, and the day-of could actually be fully enjoyable? Not that familiar rom-com movie concept of “We’re content in spite of the stress of planning a wedding because all that matters is we’re married at the end of the day,” rather, “This day was a complete dream come true for us.”
How many of us would willingly sign up for a stress-free wedding day in a heartbeat if we could? You may be thinking it’s much easier said than done, and that may sometimes be true. But, I can say from experience that couples who want to elope but don’t tend to have more regrets from their wedding day than those who eloped regardless of what anyone thought about it. When you know beyond the shadow of a doubt what you want your wedding day to look like and you go for it, the satisfaction that follows is incredibly empowering.
If you’re sold on eloping but the thought of planning it feels overwhelming, I’m here to help. My elopement packages include planning services for my couples. Taking that weight off your shoulders is one of the ways eloping can help decrease (and even eliminate) your stress levels, and I believe a stress-free planning process leads to a more enjoyable elopement day.
2. Your relationship matters too much to have a wedding that makes everyone except you happy
If you’ve been feeling the pressure or you’re second guessing the intuition that a regular wedding isn’t for you, just know you’re in good company. Weddings have been following a trend of making grand public displays for a long time now, and unfortunately, that’s not going to simply go away. In fact, with the rise of social media over the last 10-15 years, I can say with confidence that couples have more pressure than ever to have an impressive wedding.
The constant influx of “inspiration” and never-ending access to ideas online may have you feeling conflicted and unsure of what direction to go. Even when traditional elements are taken away such as not seeing each other before the ceremony or doing a bouquet toss, it still seems lately that a luxe, stylish, trendy wedding day is celebrated and widely accepted, while a low-key, individualistic elopement isn’t as popular of a choice. While there’s nothing wrong with the first option if it’s what you want, the whole point is to have a wedding day that makes you feel inspired and fulfilled, and for many couples, that looks like a down to earth elopement experience in the great outdoors. The simple, stripped down approach can be a shock to a couple’s friends and family, making it difficult to pursue what you really want out of a desire to keep people happy.
And for those who don’t use social media, the expectations are still there. Family members and friends place a massive amount of pressure on couples to do things a certain way, and it’s common to feel like you’re letting someone down if you choose to go about things differently. Whether it’s having an elopement with no guests, not hiring a certain vendor, or having your day in a location that requires loved ones to travel, someone is likely going to have a negative opinion about it.
So how do you deal with that? Honestly, every situation is unique and there’s a ton of nuance depending on your relationship dynamics and your personality type. For those of us who tend to want to people-please, it can be incredibly hard to stay true to ourselves and do what we know is right for us. But I want to remind you that someone else’s opinion about how you should get married has more to do with them than you, and that projection of their own feelings is not your responsibility to change.
At the end of the day, you deserve an experience that lays the groundwork for the rest of your lives together. Having a wedding day that’s aligned with who you are, what you’re envisioning, and expresses your relationship in an authentic way is one of the most fulfilling things you can do in spite of biased expectations.
It may sound cliche, but it’s simply the truth: your wedding day is your day. Nobody is entitled to tell you what to do, how to act, what to wear, where to get married, or how many people to invite no matter what their relation is to you. Your wedding day is a celebration of your relationship—if you’re feeling the pull to an elopement, honor that intuition and forget what anybody else thinks. Mindset is half the battle when it comes to letting go of unfair expectations, but it’s the most freeing thing you can do in order to have an unhindered elopement day experience.
3. Having a true-to-you wedding experience sets the tone for your marriage
Even if your friends or family don’t support your decision to make your wedding day your own, there’s an incredible sense of empowerment and well-being that’s invoked from doing it anyway. I’m a firm believer that staying true to yourself no matter what others think is a vital part of thriving as a human being, and your relationship deserves that same level of authenticity.
You should be able to walk away from your wedding day filled to the brim with unadulterated joy and pure peace, not thinking, “Thank goodness that’s finally over” or “I wish we would’ve done that differently.” The best way to accomplish that is by having a wedding experience that actually excites you and expresses who you are, whatever that looks like for you. I recognize that this can be terrifying, especially for those who are forced to spend their lives minimizing themselves and their experiences to make others more comfortable, but I think your wedding day is the perfect opportunity to say, “Enough is enough. We’re getting married the way we want to because it matters that our wedding day is special for us.”
Whether you’re outdoorsy adventurers or you simply want a peaceful experience among nature, the idea is to create a wedding experience that makes you feel good and entirely like yourselves. Nature grounds us, centers us, and reminds us of what’s truly important, and that’s why I love it so much as a backdrop for elopements. Natural landscapes have a way of eliminating all the fluff and noise of life, bringing the attention back to the commitment the two of you are making—and that’s the most important part anyway. The outdoors has a way of remaining steadfast, certain, and everlasting. What better way to promise your future to one another than by embracing that peace and sureness?
4. You’re not an average couple—you deserve more than an average day
Being drawn to the idea of eloping means you love the idea of doing something different for your wedding day. I’m willing to bet that in your personal life, you enjoy following your own path and staying true to what you like, regardless of what the majority of people are doing. For those of us who tend to walk in the opposite direction of the crowd that’s moving toward what’s most popular, having a traditional wedding probably just doesn’t feel right.
If your day-to-day life doesn’t look like everyone else’s, your wedding day shouldn’t either. The day you get married really does matter, too much to not feel like an honest celebration of the two of you. Your wedding day more than collecting a piece of paper, more than a gathering to see everyone you know, more than simply celebrating a milestone in your relationship. It’s a decision to commit your life to the person you love most forever. That’s a huge promise and a deeply meaningful one, and I think it deserves a deeply meaningful day.
Everything about your wedding day should be a reflection of who you are, what you value, and what your relationship stands for. If you’re an advocate for sustainability and minimally impactful outdoor recreation like me, you’d likely never sign up to throw a wedding that produces over 400 pounds of trash—for you, an eco-friendly elopement day is the way to go.
If you work in the medical field and want to see the end of cancer in your lifetime, you could ask your friends and family to make donations to a research fund in lieu of wedding gifts. If you’re a couple who enjoys rock climbing together, you can use your elopement as an opportunity to have tons of fun doing an activity you love while also educating your loved ones on why following Leave No Trace while recreating in nature is so important. The options are endless; all you have to do is sit down together and think through what would make your wedding day scream “you.”
How to Overcome Objections to Your Elopement Plans
Come up with a general plan and share it with your loved ones (or keep it a secret)
While eloping doesn’t automatically mean you have to be secretive or wait to announce your marriage until after it’s happened, some couples do choose to do things this way to avoid inevitable drama. You know your friends and family best, and ultimately that decision will be yours to make. If you know your decision to elope won’t be received well or you’re concerned that negative comments or opinions will hinder your ability to enjoy yourselves fully on the day-of, consider keeping your plans to yourselves until after (or only tell a select few people that you know will be completely supportive).
If you do decide to share your plans with your loved ones, all you have to do is explain why you want to elope and share your excitement with them. You don’t have to lay out all the details unless you want to, and you don’t have to go into the deeper reasonings for your choice if you aren’t sure how they’ll handle it. Keep it positive and express how happy you are to be doing something authentic to the two of you, and hopefully they’ll support you. If they don’t, give it some time and they may come around to the idea. Ultimately, you deserve a wedding day that feels like you, and only people who are going to respect that deserve to be a part of the conversation.
I wrote much more in depth on how to tell your friends and family you’ve decided to elope, so check that out for even more helpful tips on how to go about this. (I also discuss ways to include your loved ones that don’t involve having them physically present on the day-of.)
If you’re on the fence about whether to invite people or not, ask yourself one simple question about every person you’re considering bringing along: “Would this person’s presence on my elopement day make me feel supported or would I feel less free to be myself with them around?”
Go all out with your plans and have the wedding day you really want
It’s common for couples to not know where to start with elopement planning or to find themselves nervous that it won’t feel like a real wedding without all the traditional elements and the massive guest list. But as long as the two of you are staying true to the kind of day you want and you’re making it a reflection of your relationship, there’s no wrong way to elope.
Incorporating traditional elements is 100% allowed, as is doing everything completely outside the norm. Only you can determine what the perfect elopement day looks like for you—give yourselves permission to go all out! You deserve not to settle for a wedding day that isn’t entirely what you want.
I always tell my couples to focus on planning a day that feels like the best date day you could possibly have together. That’s usually a great place to begin planning, as it takes away the pressure of planning a wedding and turns it into coming up with a bunch of things the two of you enjoy doing together.
To help put this into context, I’ve written up a few example elopement timelines for you to check out. That post also talks about how much time you’ll need for your elopement so you can begin to paint a clearer picture of what your day can look like.
How to Begin Planning Your Elopement
One of my favorite ways to help couples dream up their own ideal elopement experience is by writing guides and blogs on everything there is to know about eloping. Below are a few that will help you get started, and don’t forget I linked a few others throughout this blog!
My Ultimate Guides for Planning Your Elopement
6 Signs Eloping is the Right Choice for You
How to Write Your Elopement Vows: Step by Step Guide
What Vendors Should You Hire for Your Elopement
What Happens During an Elopement Ceremony? (With Script Examples)
Best Non-Traditional Wedding Dress Brands for Eloping Brides
I hope you realize now just how worth it it will be to have a true-to-you elopement day. You deserve not to settle for a wedding day you don’t really want, and I’d love to be a part of helping you make it an absolute dream come true.
Hey friend! I’m Andrea, a New Hampshire Elopement Photographer, and I’m so glad you’re here. I love helping couples plan elopements in the beautiful region of New England, and this blog is just one of the many ways I enjoy providing information that will help my couples enjoy a beautiful, fulfilling elopement experience.
Ready to begin planning your own elopement? Reach out and let’s get started!
