What Is Self Solemnization? How to Officiate Your Own Elopement
Self solemnization is the act of marrying yourselves without the requirement for an officiant or judge to be present or sign anything. This is a legal, inexpensive, simple way to get married without having to have an officiant or witnesses present!
The day you get married is a big deal, and you should be able to decide exactly what it looks like. With varying laws and requirements in every state for what constitutes a legal marriage, self solemnizing removes the complexities and questions of ensuring your marriage is legitimate and allows you to be in control of what your wedding day looks like.
The thought of getting married without someone to say, “I now pronounce you…” may sound completely crazy, but don’t knock it until you’ve had a chance to read this whole post. I promise it’s not as complicated or weird as it sounds and for some, it could be the absolute perfect way to get married!
Why choose to marry yourselves?
Self solemnizing (also known as self uniting) is a real ceremony that is not officiated by a minister or judge, and is legal without any witnesses! It’s one of the coolest laws to exist in my opinion, because it allows the two of you to have a truly personal experience without having to compromise on what you want.
There could be many reasons for the decision to officiate your own wedding, but one of the biggest boxes this kind of marriage checks is the ability to have a completely private ceremony.
1. It gives you all the privacy you want
Choosing to have an elopement is a really personal decision to begin with, and the thought of inviting a stranger along to lead you in your vows could feel really invasive and awkward. You should be able to have your ceremony exactly how you want to, and that includes who’s there to share it with you. There’s nothing wrong with it only being the two of you!
Self solemnizing is such a great way to get married because it’s the only way to ensure that intimacy is kept completely uninterrupted. Even if you’re bringing me along as your photographer, I can still give you space by using a bigger lens that allows me to step back a bit and zoom in while you guys share those personal moments together.
2. Officiating your own ceremony is practical
This kind of ceremony is also super practical for eloping couples, because it eliminates the logistics of involving another person in your elopement. You won’t have to worry that your officiant will get lost where there’s no cell service (I’ve seen it happen before, it’s not fun to watch a couple go through that), and it completely removes the complication of having to find someone who’s willing to go where you want to go. Not all officiants are going to be willing to hike several miles or drive out to remote locations to officiate your wedding, and if privacy is important to you, you may not want another person following you on a hike anyway.
Even if you’re not going anywhere remote, trying to organize the logistics of it all can be cumbersome, especially if plans end up needing to change due to weather or anything else. Doing things without an officiant just takes away one more moving part and makes things even simpler for you!
While some couples prefer to have their ceremony led by someone else, others place a really strong value on doing things privately and just can’t imagine doing it any other way. Having a self-uniting marriage allows you to be in control of your wedding day, and it is completely up to you what that looks like. There’s absolutely no wrong way to have your elopement ceremony as long as it feels right for you.
3. It eliminates the complicated legal stuff
Every state has their own laws and requirements for legally marrying, which can start to feel complicated and overwhelming the more you look into it. The “official” side of self solemnizing is so simple, and it ensures you’re having a legit ceremony without the fear of missing any important legal steps.
States that allow self solemnization
There are currently only a few states that allow this type of marriage, with a few important differences. Those states are California, Colorado, Illinois, Kansas, Maine, Nevada, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, and the District of Columbia. Colorado is the simplest state to do this in, as most of the other states have conditions that make the process not so simple.
Here are a few specifics for some states that allow self solemnization:
California only allows it if you identify as a member of a “non-clergy” religion
Wisconsin allows it but may not recognize it as a legal marriage in all contexts
In Maine, Kansas, and Nevada, you have to identify as Quakers in order to have this type of ceremony
Colorado allows it for anyone, no questions asked
Of those few states, Colorado is the best choice for this kind of elopement due to its legal simplicity. But that doesn’t mean self solemnizing in Colorado your only option if you really want to have your elopement somewhere else.
I recommend Colorado for its beautiful landscapes and because it allows your marriage ceremony to be legal right away, as well as recognizing it as a legal marriage anywhere in the US. However, just like your ceremony should align with your values, the place you elope should too.
Your elopement day doesn’t have to be the same day you get legally married
I know, it sounds confusing, but hear me out! Your elopement is all about thinking outside the box to do your wedding a different way, so there’s no reason to think that if you don’t have all the official things in place that it somehow lessens the sanctity of your day or makes it less important.
You can 100% do all the ceremonial, emotional, exciting stuff on your actual elopement day, then handle all the legal things later (or you can get legally married before your elopement day). If you have your heart set on a certain location but the legal requirements are standing in the way of making it happen the way you want, then don’t worry about it.
Here’s your permission to let go of the notion that your day won’t be as important if you don’t get legally married right then and there, and to allow yourselves to truly enjoy it for what it is. You’re promising your lives to one another in an incredibly meaningful way, and the way you do that shouldn’t be dependent on how the government says you have to do it.
Of course, if it’s your desire to be legally married at the end of your elopement day, you can absolutely still make that happen in any state. All you have to do is follow the requirements for the state you’re marrying in. It may feel complicated up front, but if legally marrying on your elopement day is the most important thing to you, it can most definitely be done!
How to self solemnize in Colorado
Because of its straightforward process and endless amounts of gorgeous locations to have your elopement, Colorado is my suggestion as the best option.
If you do decide to elope in Colorado, you can obtain your marriage license ahead of time to make it legit on the day of your elopement. All you have to do is head down to any county clerk’s office together, apply for your marriage license with the required identification and paperwork, pay the $30 fee, and file your license with your signatures after your elopement. Incredibly easy, right?
Steps to self solemnize in Colorado:
Gather your ID’s, social security numbers, places of birth, parents’ names and current addresses, and $30 and go to the county clerk’s office in any county (check with the office ahead of time to find out if it’s cash only)
Apply for your marriage license
Leave with your marriage license same day (no waiting period!)
Get married within 35 days of obtaining your marriage license
Sign and submit your completed marriage license to that same county clerk’s office within 63 days of your elopement (the sooner the better!)
It’s important to note as well that you do not have to be a resident of Colorado to obtain a marriage license and marry there! Your license can be obtained in any county in Colorado and is valid for you to marry in any county in the state. Your marriage license must be submitted to the same county office it was issued from.
Easy peasy! Self-solemnization is a great option for anyone who places a lot of value on having a private ceremony, or those who just want to keep the legal stuff simple.
Plan ahead for the legal side of things
If you do want to make it legal day-of, just make sure you prepare accordingly. Make sure you get your marriage license ahead of time and file it before it expires. I don’t recommend attempting to get your marriage license on the day of your elopement as you just never know what wait times will be, and you don’t want to be stuck waiting around.
Again, you don’t have to legally marry on your elopement day in order for it to be special. Even if you do have your elopement in Colorado, that doesn’t mean you have to self solemnize. You can still do your elopement how you want, then handle the legal obligations at a later date, or you can bring along an officiant anyway and have them handle the legal part. You do you!
What to do for your self-led ceremony
It can feel intimidating to be the one in control of such an important moment in your lives, but there’s no need to be nervous. Just speak from the heart, be intentional, and be yourselves.
Here are a few ways you can make your ceremony your own:
Choose your ceremony location in the moment for some true spontaneity, or plan it ahead of time (this is just the exact physical spot where you’ll plant your feet, you can still have a general location planned for where you’ll want your ceremony)
Share your vows and promises to each other (I recommend writing them earlier in the day; we can even set aside time in your timeline for you to write them down!)
Perform a unity ceremony or religious ritual unique to your own beliefs
Incorporate something from your heritage
Include traditional elements if it’s meaningful to you to do so
Choose the length of your ceremony based on what you want, not what anyone says is the right amount of time (5 minutes or 50, it’s really up to you!)
Allow your friends and family to sign the marriage license if you bring them along to include them in your special moment (just make sure the two of you sign it as well; having only the signature of a friend is not considered valid)
Make it your own
As long as you’re happy at the end of the day with the way you choose to get married, that’s what matters most. Keeping your ceremony reserved for only the people you want to be a part of it is a completely valid way to do your elopement, regardless of the legalities, and I’m here to support you every step of the way.
Anything you choose to do in your ceremony is allowed (as long as it’s not breaking any laws and is LNT-friendly, of course). You get to make your own choices for your ceremony based on what feels right for the two of you and your own relationship, not what tradition says you have to do.
Does self solemnizing sound like the perfect fit for you? I’d love to help you begin planning your dream elopement day! Just get in contact with me to get started.
