How to Tell Your Friends & Family You’ve Decided to Elope
You may have always known you want an untraditional wedding day, or the idea may be completely new to you! Either way, there’s a certain assumption in our society about marriage. Traditional, big weddings tend to be the default expectation, so learning of your elopement may be a surprise to your family and friends.
No matter what your reasons are for eloping, you deserve to have a wedding day that makes you feel happy and fulfilled, with absolutely zero regrets. Telling your loved ones that you’ve decided to elope may feel scary, which is why I’ve outlined my 7 best tips for telling your family & friends you’ve decided to elope with the aim of helping ease the worry you may be feeling right now.
Remember, the way you choose to get married matters no matter what anyone else has to say, and it should be the kind of day you want to have.
1. Tell your loved ones before you elope
Announcing your elopement plans ahead of time can help your family & friends have time to adjust to the idea instead of feeling like they missed out by hearing it from you after the fact. Whether you tell them in person or via a “We’re Eloping!” announcement in the mail, being included ahead of time will show them you care about them being in the know.
I recommend having the conversation face-to-face (or via video chat) so they can see the smile on your face, hear the joy in your voice, and have a conversation with you about your plans instead of feeling like they’re out of the loop.
2. Tell them why you’re eloping and allow them to ask questions
Explain why you decided to elope and allow yourself to be excited about it! People mirror your energy, and if you act apprehensive or nervous about telling them, they may respond with the same sense of hesitation. If you’re excited, they’ll be excited! Share your plans, give them all the details so they can feel included, and allow them to ask questions.
The best way to help people understand your choice to elope is to lay out your reasons why. Communicating your reasons for eloping will help your loved ones understand it’s not about simply not wanting them there, but rather some personal, deeper reasons that they can respect.
Here are some common reasons couples decide to elope:
You don’t want to have a big wedding and would rather keep things simple
You don’t want to wait months (or years) for a wedding
You want to spend your money intentionally and get a higher quality experience for a lower overall cost
You want to have a day that aligns with your values
You don’t want to contribute to the sustainability problem of big weddings & want an eco-friendly day
You want to put your money towards a honeymoon or a down payment on a house rather than a huge party
You want to keep your day personal and private
You want your wedding day to be made up of activities the two of you enjoy doing together
You want to keep planning stress low
You want a day that keeps the focus on your relationship & commitment to one another
3. Start planting seeds early
If your loved ones already have an understanding of what an elopement is and that you’re planning on having one, they won’t be shocked to find you following through on it later. Begin dropping some hints here and there with your family & friends and their expectations should stay in alignment with your plans. When you officially tell them you’ve decided to elope, they won’t be shocked and they’ll likely be excited for you for finally doing what you’ve been talking about doing!
4. Include them in the planning process
Offering to let your family or friends help you do some of the planning is a great way to eliminate some of the potential sting of not being there on the day of. Whether it’s coming with you to pick out your dress or suit, researching location options together, DIYing your bouquet, or asking for advice on what to include in your ceremony, it gives them the opportunity to be involved. Your family & friends just want to be a part of celebrating with you and if they can’t do so in person on the day of your elopement, they’ll be overjoyed to help play a role in giving you the day you’re dreaming of.
You can also ask your family & friends to write letters for you to read on your elopement day so they have even more of an opportunity to share their support.
Read more about how to include your family in your elopement.
5. Look at your photos together after (& gift mini versions of your album!)
A picture speaks a thousand words, so if you don’t know what to say, let your photos do the talking for you! For some, being able to see the emotion in the photos of the two of you fully enjoying your elopement day will be the final push to help them understand why you chose to elope.
I suggest watching a slideshow of your images from the beginning to end of your day so your loved ones can fully grasp the whole story (I’d play some of your favorite romantic songs over the slideshow too; music is very powerful and pulls at the heartstrings which will help eliminate some of the potential awkwardness). Connect your computer to a TV so everyone can see the full detail of your images, and turn it into an event complete with champagne/sparkling cider and snacks!
At the end, hand out the mini albums to each couple or household! Making it into a viewing party will help your family & friends feel like they’re a part of the celebration, and the added bonus of the mini albums will help them feel included and appreciated.
6. Celebrate the “traditional” way with a small reception
Whether the photo viewing party is a part of this occasion or not, throwing a reception for your closest family and friends is a great way to continue the celebration of your marriage! You can do this before or after your elopement, and your loved ones will be thrilled to be included either way. You can have everyone dress up just like they would for a traditional wedding reception, rent out a small venue or aesthetic Airbnb, and the two of you can even wear your elopement attire so they get the full experience of celebrating alongside you.
You can keep this as traditional or untraditional as you’d like! Include a cake cutting, toasts, catered dinner, dances, allow your family & friends to bring gifts, or none of the above. The main point of throwing a little party for your loved ones is to allow them to celebrate with you and share in the excitement of your marriage in a fun, memorable way.
7. Elope for yourselves & no one else
At the end of the day, your decision to elope is yours alone. No matter what reasons you have for eloping, if it feels right for you, don’t let anyone else tell you how you should do things. If the thought of an elopement fills your heart with excitement, here’s your permission to go for it. Your elopement is for the two of you, so make it everything you want it to be.